Freedom.........

We place self imposed chains around us......ones that keep us small......stuck.......sad.....immobile......and the list goes on.....and I have been guilty many times of placing chains on myself.....in the form of fear, worry, insecurity, doubt......and the opinions of others........and so much more.....and I have decided......really clearly and intentionally that I will not do that anymore......no more chains......I seek to be free now in every way a person can be......free to be me....truly me.....and live in my story and truth.....on my terms and in line with how I feel inside......and it has become nearly intolerable to attempt to be, or live in relationships where I cannot be who I am.....I think that is part of the reason that I find it challenging to navigate the relationship with their dad.....there is such a deep disconnect and divide that lives there still.....for so many reasons.....and I cannot move as myself.....moving instead around the edges.....and within confines that I did not create....and it feels stifling and frustrating.....and I suppose as I type this that is not entirely true......I think part of it is my resistance in showing up fully as the me now.....and moving as her, because things continue to become more and more complicated......and it is the only, or one of the only parts of my life that feels stifled.....suffocating......hopeless sometimes......and sometimes the injustice of it all makes me want to stamp my feet.....screaming from the top of my lungs that this wasn't the plan.....when we brought our two precious children into this world......and decided to carefully parent them......and then....so as I seek freedom......in every way.....in love......in friendships......in my life......I seek it here too......and seek to be free of the chains that threaten to wrap around me in this situation......and I forever seek to move from a place of discernment......and freedom.....true freedom......lies in our mind. We CHOOSE......to become free or live in cages....and chains....guilty of getting into the cage and closing the door.....and I will never do that again.....I have clawed my way to me....fighting so hard for her.....and to remain in this space I need to stand up.....and remain free.....and once you taste freedom.....true freedom.....captivity becomes impossible to abide.....the feeling of it making your skin crawl......and while this situation with their dad is challenging.....that is not new......and my goal is to seek freedom within it....remain free despite what is going on.....and not allow my freedom or my peace to be up for grabs.....not ever.....