Gabe's Lawyer.....

I took Gabe to an appointment yesterday afternoon with his lawyer.....he is being represented in our upcoming guardianship hearing at the beginning of May......and it was sort of surreal sitting there.....guardianship is obviously a restrictive legal spot to be in....I am essentially deeming him "unfit" to care for himself in a court of law....yikes right.....and while it is completely necessary, it still is hard to be involved in.....when I saw the paper come from the court, saying the words, and having Gabe being described in the terms that were very black and white and intense, it was a big thing........and as I sat there as the lawyer was talking to Gabe.....asking if Gabe felt his mom was a suitable guardian for him.....and he grinned across the table and said yes.....he is a fan of mine:) it was sweet and sad, and endearing and overwhelming....all at one time....I am Gabe's person in this life....fully and completely....and it is an awesome responsibility......he may live with me forever.....or he may find a place to land in the world that can support him in the ways he needs......it is not clear.........but in the meantime it is me.....and there is no other way I would want it to be......I pledged myself to him deeply all those years ago in the NICU....and I meant it......meant that I would do any and all the things I needed to, to ensure he was a successful as he could be......and I think I have done that to date.....at least I have tried so hard......and I suppose yesterday was a testament to that.....Gabe feeling as if I am fit....and his lawyer too.....and maybe it was the magnitude of all of it that landed on me yesterday......when you have a special needs child, especially one that cannot care fully for themselves, the responsibility feels more intense as they become an adult.....I have been feeling it so much as his senior year has unfolded......and what it all means.....and getting too far ahead of myself is futile....I know that.....I trust so fully it will all unfold as it should......not worried a bit about it......I spent so much time in his baby, and toddler years, fretting about his future.....and that was a waste of time and energy.....he has killed it:) Living his best life all of the way........And has had a beautiful life to date, and thrived, and I have no doubt that will continue, and everything that is meant for Gabe and myself will find its way.....and I trust that fully:) And it is an honor to be Gabe's guardian, and continue to care for his life, and his journey.....and I will continue to do just that! :)