I allowed it.......

As I spin in this new era, and have the clarity come and find me over and over again....and in ways it hasn't before, I see my role in the things that have happened to me.....I allowed it....simple.....and the excuse I could make, which is true.....is that I believe in grace and second chances,,,...still true.....but that doesn't excuse my allowing some of what happen to me happen.......and unfortunately there is a group of people that take advantage of that......not seeing it as a gift but as a place that is weak....and can be manipulated and exploited.....and that is sad.....because second chances, or even beyond second ones are gifts......truly.....and should be treated as such when they are given with an open heart......and I bring this up to kind of examine my willingness to do that for others.....sorta loving that part of myself.....because I mean it when I do it.....I hold no animosity alongside of it, if the person can rectify it......but also knowing that we teach people how to treat us......and what we allow will persist....and so as I travel forward, with a new lens that I am looking at life through......I guess I need to be stronger about that some....like when somebody shows you who they are.......the first time......believe it......and I suppose it still won't be that black and white.....life often isn't black and white.....shades of gray abound.....but I will be much more cognizant for sure.....because I realize in the last situation I was in.....the grace I offered was because we had taken the time to build a strong foundation and friendship.....so as stuff started to appear, the friendship and foundation kept me offering grace, and chances to solve it all.....and that was foolish in retrospect.....but it felt like the right thing at the time....and in my marriage.....finding out about his affair, and offering the opportunity for healing and redemption.....truly believing we all fall down.....because we do......but maybe not in those big ways.....maybe those things don't deserve grace or redemption.....I know now if a person cheated that is a dealbreaker.....no second chances.....and in my last relationship when I felt that familiar feeling of deception slither in.....I ended it, before I had confirmation that I was in fact correct......so as I explore my ability for grace and forgiveness.....perhaps being more than most......I will be careful moving forward to not make it extreme in any way.....not too lenient....and not too harsh.....case by case......but yea I allowed much of what I endured....and do not consider myself a victim.....I do my best to never portray it like that.....:) I am a big girl.....and while I do believe my kindness and spirit were taken advantage of......I fully own my role in it all.....and in the allowing of it......and well.....when you know better, you get to do better:) And that is my plan moving forward! :) Knowing when to hold that boundary.....and being more discerning about when an action indicates a person's character, and when it is a result of our human condition:) Just felt it was important to own that today:) Happy Sunday! Enjoy the day:)