I am a dealer.......

I have been gifted in this chapter of my life to really deeply know myself.....and not just stuff I have willy nilly made up lol, but the stuff that comes from having done real work, real reflection, real emotional work.....lots of therapy....showing up for myself, and many other modalities along the way. Each piece seemingly showing up as it was supposed to.....revealing another layer to learn about .......and the gift of that effort and work is that you get to stand in the truth of who you are.....roots planted.....like a sturdy tree in the ground.....not allowing for any noise to rattle that......and now as a new era is opening up, I keep saying that.....but gosh I feel it SO deeply.....another chapter beginning.....I know so deeply that I am answering the call for my life....being called to be a "dealer" of sorts.....not selling detriment though, but selling things like hope......and love.....support.....compassion......empathy.....and I know that so completely. I am fiercely committed to my journey here, and to this second act of my life....seeking to reach as many people as I can, and help them transform or alchemize their pain if I am able.....simple really....I saw a meme that had "hope dealer" on it the other day and loved it.....it resonated.....a lady stopped at the kid's lemonade stand yesterday and said she knew me....but that I don't know her........she lives in our neighborhood.....and found my posts and follows them, saying they inspire her and she loves them.....she also said she met me long ago, when Mads was in a stroller in the DMV, and was touched by my kid's together and Gabe's care of Mads in the stroller....and well there it is.....the interactions I have speaking to the life I want to live....touching and inspiring lives if I can:) and having people in my life that understand and love and support me, but also being a person that lives a life of service to others.....using what God has placed in my hands, and heart, for the greater good.....I truly believe that the destruction of my former life was for that purpose....my having to live through that part to live out this part.....and so I am....unflinchingly and unapologetically owning who I am now.......and understanding who that is so completely, and what is in my heart for other people, and for myself, and my kids, my family, friends, those I love all of it.....the world, particularly now, needs those things....it doesn't need anymore anger, or ugliness, or division, or negativity, or____________just love.....hope.....light.....healing.....and I will continue to work to heal the parts of myself that need healing.....becoming more and more conscious of what they are...and choosing folks to be in my life that are healthy....and that seek to support that too..... Life is a ride.....no question and lately.....ooff! The energy out there is intense.....all the ways ;-) Like riding a big wave, maybe without a surfboard, but it is in those things I want to be the dealer of, where I find my center......forever bringing myself back to my heart and letting that lead......not getting ensnared in ugliness.....or letting stuff pull me under if I can help it.....every person that has touched my life has been a gift.....even if they have hurt my heart.....I believe that too....we are all a tapestry of the people we have known and loved and traveled with......each one fulfilling their role in our story....and as I said the other day some go the distance in the forever way, and some don't.......and we don't get to decide that.....so perhaps as this era opens, my commitment to my mission and calling is growing even deeper.....doubling down.....today I meet with a client that is facing some stuff I have, and the satisfaction in seeing the impact it has had with her already is a gift to my life, and heals us both I think, coaching truly is such a co creative process that gives to both people so completely, and I love it so much.......people need other people to stand in their pain with them, but there is an extra level of healing that happens when a person can really understand.....knowing fully what the other person feels, because they have been there:) So......I have had that gift given to me at certain points....through the trials of my life.....and now I have dedicated a space of my life to do the same for others.....I am a hope dealer, I am a love dealer, I am a compassion dealer, I am an empathy dealer, and I am just grateful that I was given the opportunity and resources on the other side of the pain I crawled through to be those things:) A gift never ever ever lost on me.......