I hate that for her....and me.......

I came across some really eye opening information this week....between the ages of 8-12 our subconscious is formed....we decide then, deep inside of us, what we believe about so many things in our life.....self concept, love, worth, and the list goes on and on.....and if during that time there are things that maybe are not quite right related to those things....subtle or overt.....well there it goes into our supercomputer hard drives.....stored to be a force to reckon with down the road......and it has been no secret that my love life has been a challenging part of this life....and thinking of my hard drive, and what might be stored there, has been an aha moment of the week......patterns and themes, and beliefs.....a true realization of perhaps why I have been faced with the things I have, and understanding it is my job to overcome those things and rewrite the script:).....even deep down in my subconscious, and craft another story for myself.....because it is no secret that I am on the quest to get it right in this life:) Finding the love I seek, and that seeks me, once and for all:).....a beautiful balance of two people all in.....and so I look at my daughter, she is 9......and so she is well on her way to loading her hard drive with so many things RIGHT NOW....and I am hoping that it is good stuff mostly....but then ahh.....love.....the divorce of her parents coloring that piece of stored information so deeply and the challenges she continues to face......the impressions and takeaways she has taken with her....and the stuff she continues to have to witness.....which I wish I could protect her from....but I am powerless in some of it....having to watch it happen.....and try and combat it on my end.....and craft a different narrative when she is with me......but I am not foolish enough to think that her own hard drive is not picking up all sorts of things.....things I haven't even thought of.....and due to all the challenges I have faced in love due to my own.....I don't want that for her.....I want to spare her some of that....and so I guess that is where I am now....trying to rectify my own....once and for all.........and help her not have to do the same one day......changing her impressions of love, and what it means to love, and be loved and what it SHOULD look like:)......and the subconscious is TRICKY......we hang onto so many things that we don't even believe or realize on repeat.....and it RUNS our lives.....the underneath programming.....not the stuff we think does.......and so I guess I am on a new level of growth and healing....really getting in their deep.....not wanting to repeat patterns in my life any longer, and not wanting my daughter to do the same.....and perhaps because I know better now I can guess some of what she is beginning to formulate........and kids are so impressionable....sometimes we forget I think....and the things that they are exposed to.....and without the intention of anybody.....it just is....EVERYBODY is traveling their own journey, and doing the best that they can at any given point....I really believe that, fault doesn't come into play, it just all happens as a result of different journeys and different phases of our journeys and the people it affects at the time....and the other tricky thing is that the effects don't show up until much later....long after things have changed.......and the subconscious is deeply fascinating to me....rewriting the hard drive:) A worthwhile endeavor methinks, for the both of us........and going from hating this for us, for loving it for us:) She is my little soul sista, my kindred gal......and I am honored to guide her in this life to the best of my ability and help her have a life worthy of her special self, Amen:) xoxox