I have to fight this part.......

I was reading something that resonated this morning.....I have known that I am a person that needs stuff to be solved......fixed.....resolved.....wrapped up nicely.....defined edges.....blurred lines don't work well for me......and it is likely due to my earth sign girl....fixed sign stuff, my Taurus gal:)......but it is likely more than that.....indecision, up in the air is challenging for me to sit in, to sit with, I don't like it......and most stuff can have clear and defined lines.....but some things hang in that balance that makes me uncomfortable....and I am doing my best to recognize this challenge in myself, and know that there is a piece that I may need to own in that challenge......because not everything is subject to being well defined, or resolved places at any given point..... so when that occurs I struggle to just let it be.......I want to know either way about most anything......and I guess as it comes up, I am learning to discern what is reasonable, and what is too high an expectation for any given thing that comes my way....and it is one of those blind spot things.....where I walk into desiring that, and not realizing it until after, or I am right there, if that makes sense.....I think of those things as our autopilot stuff.....the stuff we have so hardwired it makes it hard to see....yet......I am recognizing it sooner within my life now, eyes open......learning to have patience for the outcome, instead of having impatience at each step forward......and I have lots of things I want to see come to fruition in my life, lots.....and I am working on the small step parts....putting my energy into those baby steps that take me where I want to be, instead of getting ensnared in the outcome, or the top of the staircase......not attaching to outcome being the measure of success......but honoring the process of getting wherever I want to be......I have revamped my workout some, and am starting to see some signs of those changes, and it is exciting to me....I guess as I type this I am often a proof person......looking for proof of effort.....concrete.....tangible.....and I am working on tempering some of that......because I realize other people don't operate that way.....but I am also keenly aware of realizing that asking for consistency is important too.....consistency within relationships....whoever they are with.....so as I birth some new ideas and goals, and long term projects, and places I want to be, I am tempering the need for resolution and the end game.....and bringing patience to it all......letting it unfold each day.....one step......one consistent effort.......one disciplined step toward each stop......realizing that our lives are much more about the journey, than any of the destinations we visit along the way.....never fully "arriving," more like lookouts, looking at beautiful vistas and views at some points, but then the journey continues:) So I am pushing myself to get more comfortable in the blurry lines of life, and realizing all stuff doesn't need defined lines or resolution.....they just are.....and living in those spaces are maybe what it means to live, really live, with abandon ......releasing fear as I have has been huge.....not moving from that place....trusting that whatever lies in today, or tomorrow, belongs to me.....it is FOR me.....my journey....my path all of it......and the freedom found there has changed my life in every way.....but this last piece of wrapping stuff in bows sometimes;-) that gets a hold of me, is a place I see that holds growth for me.....a place to push myself to get even more comfortable with the discomfort.....that is when we truly break the cages that have surrounded us all of our lives.....I truly believe that.....by making ourselves as uncomfortable as possible:) I have come to embrace it, to let the discomfort wash over me....consume me and push through when I can.....so reading that tiny line this morning, reminded me of more places where discomfort calls to me.....and I will answer the call:) Happy Friday! :)