I refuse......I just do.....

So today finds me preparing to host some old friends tomorrow night.....I am looking forward to it. It should be super fun! These are people that I was so close to once upon a time, so it is like a reunion of sorts:) It has been another week with lots of moving parts.....and well this seems like a gift and reprieve from all of that.....I have mowing, and grocery shopping to do, some cooking, and prepping for the week ahead too! School arrives Monday for us all:) And most of all I look forward to seeing my kids on Sunday! I have missed them both so much, and they are having the time of their lives:) And as I navigate a pretty crazy, maybe even a little dramatic truth that I am unpacking, about a person I felt I knew so well.....spanning years before we were face to face.....it has been challenging.....like living with a serial killer and not knowing crazy.....but there are some real positives alongside the horror.....one is that I know the way......through all of this, and beyond now......I know that I grabbed a hold of this story and my self worth, and all of it before the ugly truth came to light......having my intuition have its say and listening to it, so that feels amazing......I also know that it doesn't have to do with me.....at all.....despite the personal nature of it......I am already sleeping soundly again, so it will not stay with me in that way any longer......and I know with all of my being that it was still meant to be a part of my story....I really really do.....as painful as it has been to reconcile, that is true.....because of all the themes that have been for play for me within, I see so clearly this was the catalyst to a deep change, that I needed to embrace finally.....I also had another deep friendship end in their betrayal of me not all that long ago again....somebody I loved so much, and she and I were so close, until she turned. And all of this does make me wonder why betrayal has to be such a deep theme in my life.....having been visited by it other times too.....and it is just so challenging......SO many layers....but I did get over that one pretty quickly too....and I know I will this too:) Having learned from my ex and his betrayal, just how to do that.....but there is that will simmering within me now.....a defiant and resistant place that absolutely REFUSES, REFUSES to allow this to keep me closed off, and scared of trusting anybody.....I REFUSE......I also REFUSE to allow it to suffocate my hope that there are amazing people out there that would never do anything like this, or even dream of it......people with integrity, honesty, loyalty, and love running through their veins......I REFUSE to allow myself to think that his actions define my worth......quite the opposite......My worth is in tact fully.......my realizing that he didn't deserve much of what he received from me......except that love is never wasted....not when it is given freely, which for me was true........I REFUSE to let this wound me to my detriment......I will work to alchemize the wound.......and use it as fuel to elevate my life further......I did that after my divorce.....taking all of the ick, horror, and excruciating pain, and using it as fuel to elevate my life in every way, not allowing it to destroy me.....so this will be no different......:) I am headed to another level again.....and sometimes the doorway holds something that has got to go, and shatter fully to do that......and the other side, well:) That is the gold!!!!!!!!!!.......so there is a REFUSAL in me, strong and true to not allow this experience to poison my life in any way.......imagining myself facing a dragon and screaming in their face lol:) Like that kinda energy;-) Because here is the secret to life that I have learned......we are not, and don't have to be the sum of our experiences......we GET TO be what happens on the other side of them:) What we do with those experiences, and how we allow them to transform our lives is the story......not the despicable actions of others, and what they do to us! And well......that is a beautiful thing:) And gosh so powerful, in every way! So my eyes are forward..,..my vision forward.....the way clear.....and I know what I need to do to alchemize this experience for MY GREATER good.....leaning on my faith, and my intuition, and divine guidance....knowing those things will lead the way:) As for this weekend! Let the fun begin:) I am excited! Happy Friday! Enjoy the day:)