If you could only see.......

I have begun to feel as if I can trust myself more in this chapter....in terms of my instincts and what is for me and not for me......but sometimes my Achilles still has its say.....and it is for sure a blind spot.....And in my lifetime people have taken advantage of that in me.....and used it for their benefit.....even recently......and in this chapter too....I have an uncanny ability to see the goodness in people above all else.....forever believing in that fully, especially if they are good at hiding the other stuff......and I always think, when I am proven to have my affections or friendship misplaced, "if you could only see"........if they could only see how I see them, or saw them, it might change them......there is a purity in how I see people, like their essence deep down.....or maybe who they want to be?? Or glimpses of who they could be, if life had been different for them, or if they had made other choices......but didn't.....and in the aftermath of their betrayal of me, it always hurts me....makes me feel foolish for believing in them.....when I think of how fiercely I believed in my ex, amid his deception, it is startling really.....but it is who I am.....truly......and it has happened beyond him too.....I had a close friendship, blow up in betrayal too, fairly recently, and with a similar shock and awe attached.....and I saw that person in this beautiful way, until their true nature was revealed.....and I never saw that in them....never.....and I wish I could have shown them, how I saw them, and the genuine care I had for them, and regard, and love........it would likely shock them to see it in its true state, and so I guess I write about this to acknowledge the existence of this part of me again, I was reminded of it recently again in a situation....and it is the only part of me I doubt, or keeps me from fully trusting myself or others....because sometimes it can block me from really seeing, despite the other instincts I have honed in this chapter.....and I have written about it before, and mused on it....because it is really real...like deep into the fabric of my hardwiring......I lead with positive feelings toward somebody, and look to see their goodness before I see the rest.....and if they could see the way I see them, or saw them......or maybe feel about themselves as I do......it would be a game changer for them......I sometimes wish I did not have this part of me....because it has caused me great pain in my life, more than once.....but it has been confirmed through my astrology journey that it is a part of me.....seen in my chart, and I am not imagining it.....and sometimes things just are.....I for sure would rather see the world through my glasses though, not through skepticism, or fear, or doubt, or negativity......seeking to see the world, and people positively.....and giving people the opportunity to be who I see them to be! And some people have delivered:) Being exactly who I think they are, and showing up endlessly, and lovingly, toward me in all the best of ways.....and I suppose all the people who eventually showed themselves to me, needed to.....and it was meant for them to move along.....now I say all of this, and do not mean to convey that I am easily fooled fully.....I am not......I also feel people in a way that maybe others don't.....I have gotten an immediate bad feeling about a person, and been correct, despite their outward behavior....I do feel people deeply in all ways....so it is not one way, as things often aren't! :)And besides, as we know.....when people show their ugliness, and willing to take advantage of somebody else.....it indeed has everything to do with them......so I will continue to love hard, and help where I can, and attract the right people to me, I believe that, Amen:)