Into the wild.......

There is a wild piece of my life that has taken over....and it is likely only felt by me, maybe lol:)..... and I do not mean that I am wild in my behavior lol:) But there is a deep lack of "domestication" that I live in despite doing my domestic duties, if that makes sense.....I do those things for my children and myself....but I am still wildly free on any given day.....Making decisions about the how and when and if at all.....But there is a wildness that feels as if it has taken over me, and an aliveness that I am so very captivated by and enjoying so deeply.....knowing so deeply that if love touches down again, it will need to look different to me.....and I was thrown into this wild space I have found.....being a cozy, comfortable, domesticated person most of my life.....depending upon certain circumstances being there for me always, feeling safe and then suddenly, I was placed outside to fend for myself....having been declawed a long time ago, and needing to adapt to my new surroundings, to quite literally survive.....and I think that is the piece of having your spouse leave you and walk away that is so jarring.....it is an abandonment, in the truest sense....and it feels like they stopped the car and left you by the side of the road initially, turning their back on you, which was true in my case.....and there were so many things I did not know how to do.......or need to know how to do in a certain way, that I have had to learn......learning to care for myself, and my kids well in this wilderness.....but there is a free piece of me that people pick up on, even more so lately maybe....and I can see them sometimes taking it in......and I write this this morning, because I bumped into a friend yesterday........I haven't seen her for a bit....and when I was talking to her, she was looking at me with such fondness and love, marveling a little.....saying I was a sight for sore eyes, and that she had missed me, and that I am like a bright star when she sees me, and it touched my heart so.....because the light that people comment on has been inside of me and I have felt it all of my life.....but I never knew how to keep it on......or keep it lit.....having it dim and sometimes nearly go out at certain points....and I am not saying this in a way to brag in ANY way.....I cannot take responsibility for much of it.....It was divinely placed within me to live THIS life.....to be called to THIS purpose, and to choose to help others find their light too:) But I am exploring it some today because it is part of what makes me feel wild, and feral, and free sometimes.....feeling electricity run through my veins, and I mean that so sincerely in a way that isn't the same as other people sometimes....and sometimes it makes me feel misunderstood, or separate.....or alone.....but I am finding I need to place myself in the places where I belong, as often as I am able to be able to be ME, fully.....but feeling wild and free is such a special feeling.....living on my own terms.....by my own rules......and in a way that feels like home to me.....never feeling false.....just myself so fully.....and so again as this 5 year anniversary rounds the bend.....I am grateful he put me outside.....leaving me by the side of the road to find this gal......having it teach me how to turn my light on, and keep it on.......I have learned so much.....that fact and as I type that brings tears to my eyes......in every sense......so much stuff I never wanted to learn, but also so much that I had to learn....and I suppose I feel these days that I am learning how to navigate my wild amid the pull for domestic things......seeking to create a balance for it all.....not being too far in one direction....Amen:) Happy Sunday:)