It is getting real......and heavy

Gabe has prom on Friday and I know I will blink one more time and be watching him graduate......and it is so overwhelming to think about......this month chockfull of moments coming up......one rite of passage after another.....and I have said more than once to myself this month, as all of it swirls.....JUST BREATHE.....another new catch phrase I love......and seeing his banner sent to me by the local place that did them made it real too....so I am deeply breathing through these moments.....and I suppose to the feelings that will arise at graduation......being divorced.....and under the circumstances of our current co parenting situation, or lack thereof.....how that will all be, and feel, adding another layer of emotions that have not had space to be dealt with......and it will really be the first thing we will all be at together, and I will have to feel all of that...and I will be feeling enough on my own for sure......the end of school is coming fast and furious.......every day is another thing to check off the list and make happen.....SO much coming at us...I guess as I think of it there is just a lot of life coming at me.....still mending my heart from love.....and the realization of all of that......some challenging family dynamics as family stuff comes up......carrying big weight and finding a way to make it lighter......listening to my inner voice and following her lead......she is the wise one;-) she knows what is best for me, and what stuff I should do to protect my peace and joy, the stuff I fought so hard for......so my plan for the rest of the month is to take one day at a time.....knowing that I can do all things in the day that lies before me.....and knowing that the rest will work itself out as it should too.....I have written before about this challenge.....people treat strong people differently.....if you are strong people think your arms can carry so much.......and they keep piling it on......or don't really think things affect you the same, because you carry it so well.....and if you are not so strong people tiptoe......and don't lay certain things on you.......and I have written many times about feeling grateful for the strength that lives within me.....I have needed every bit of it to live this life.....truly.....and I came in hardwired for it.....but even strong people need people to be softer with them.....to offer them a soft place to land in all of the life stuff that comes....be more understanding of all they face, and so I am reconciling some of that now as life rolls up.....knowing it is my job to protect myself and my boundaries.......and my peace.......and the only person that needs to understand all of what I am feeling and experiencing is me.....and that is enough.......Enjoy the day!