Just keep swimming......

Such an inspiring and powerful thought from "Finding Nemo".......and that is how I feel most of the time truly.....just keep swimming:) And it is such good and simple advice.....either that or drown right lol:) And I suppose it is like my "I can do hard things" mantra......bolstering my belief in my ability to surmount any challenge that finds me.....And leaving the lawyer's office yesterday made me feel like that even more so.....SO much to do in regards to Gabe and his maturing self....and I am grateful I still have some summer left to tackle some of it.....and not have to compete against an upcoming busy work schedule....so I am just breathing deeply....and not letting the details overwhelm me....there are lots of details to figure out for both my kids as the school year approaches, and I am trusting that they will fall into place, and doing my part to make it so....and there is a pang of injustice in it for me....knowing their dad doesn't have to do or think of any of this....that the pressure I feel to cover pick up and drop off every day of the year, or sick kids, or Gabe's stuff, or any of it is of no consequence to him......and I suppose that really I would not have it any other way.....because if I didn't have all this on my plate, it would mean I wouldn't have my kids with me.....and not be parenting from the front row.....so.....just keep swimming right??......but there was a moment when I left the lawyer's office where I felt that I wished I could call their dad, and unload some of the overwhelming things I was feeling.....but we are no longer in this together......and I know that deeply....I am on my own and accept that....I really do. I know that I will figure it all out.....one task, one thing at a time....I am going to make a list and start ticking it off.....I have to apply for social security for Gabe.....and petition the court for guardianship, which I heard has become much more difficult.....I have to figure out a trust for Gabe....and just figure out so much of so much....I have to get Madeline's pick up and drop off rerouted....what worked last year will not this year....so I am seeking coverage for her....and figuring out how to do that......kitchen renovation details, and business stuff, and I suppose at the moment the details feel pretty overwhelming.....but I know deeply.....that God is in ALL of the details....and as the frenzied detail energy threatens to sweep me up, my power lies in stopping, and taking a breath.....and trusting it all.....every single bit of it.....every single little minute detail.......and defaulting to my deep faith in that.....so one thing at a time....one thing to handle at a time.....and committing to not let any of it sweep me up, and rob my peace....I write about feeling like the eye of the storm sometimes....and how that comparison spoke to me one time....and it continues too....as the storm swirls I am standing firm in my belief and faith in it all! Happy Tuesday:)