Letting go of love.....

I am a realist....and a hopeless romantic......a tough combo on any given day;-) Letting go of love in this chapter of my life now is not for the faint of heart......coupled with the piece of me that knows it is time and I must......and well it would all be much easier if we didn't love each other.....but that is not the case.....we really do.......and the long distance circumstance I think played into it all in a way that made this have to be so somewhat.....alongside some really big differences in us..........and I will never know how it would have played out if that hadn't been so.....but maybe the same, hard to say.....but I do know that when we actually got to see each other it was magic, strolling on sunbeams each time.....and well.....that is challenging....challenging to remember.....challenging to reconcile amid the rest.....just challenging......and while a certain amount of peace and understanding has found me.....it will not eliminate a grieving process that has begun.......the grief of letting love go, because it is in the best interest of the situation.....and that seems counterintuitive right??? Like love is there.....the real kind....... but yet.......and that is my hopeless romantic having her say;-) arguing with the realist lol:) .......so I have some healing to do, and grieving, and I will.....I actually allowed myself a quiet day yesterday.....it was too cold for my original plans of deck doing.....so I did very little, and just let myself be, the kids were not here so it was a perfect day to retreat within......it is my way of moving through these things these days.....and I am grateful for all that was right about it.....because through every twist and turn of our story it felt like I was walking into the next place for us......and so there is nothing to do but follow that......and there is a mutual understanding between us that this is the next part of this.....despite us both wishing it wasn't this way......we came so far.....navigated so many challenges to help it all see the light of day, and now it seems a bit tragic perhaps in a certain way.....that is not the exact word I am seeking, but you get the idea.....if you knew how much effort went into all of it, then perhaps that would make some more sense to you as the reader......and if you saw the pictures of us together, and the extreme joy on our faces it would break your heart so.....the elephant in the room is that nobody wants to experience heartache.....nobody....even when they have clarity and understanding in tow... and I know it will not have the same impact on me as it did after my marriage ended, for lots of reasons....but mostly because of the growth that I have experienced and the newfound understanding I have in my life now.....but......I am certain there will be things I will need to heal and overcome in the next couple of months as I let go of love......sweet, real, passionate, fun, kindred love......a love that I had so many plans for.......and as I put energy into closing a chapter of my life, and opening a new one......deeply breathing through it....and knowing that if I am brave, and if I do the work surrounding this latest challenge, that I will find myself down the road, living the next chapter of my life and knowing as I did in this one that I am right where I am supposed to be......Amen xoxo Happy Monday:)