My daughter's unintended lessons......

I think as adults sometimes we naively believe that our issues are not our children's issues....and that just isn't so......every bit of the life we live, and the struggle we fight, impacts our kids. And that part and realization touched down early in this story for me.....being the reason why I did my best to control my emotions, and be quiet about their dad and his girlfriend, and do my best to speak light when they were around in regards to it all.....but......there are still unspoken lessons, and impressions that have stayed with my kids.....of that I am sure.....and most of it has been actually pretty lovely considering....some of what my daughter believes about me, and the stuff she says she sees in me and this situation in terms of my walk makes me feel a giant relief, makes me feel the effort I put in being kind and quiet, when I wanted to be ugly and loud, was effort well placed......but she has walked away with a lesson that I wanted her to have, but didn't think this was how she would learn it.....she has some friends that could perhaps have some strife going on between their parents....and she was talking about it the other day, and worried some........because she said that the mom is a stay at home mom.....and she said "what if their dad left her, like my dad left us how would she take care of her kids and live????" AND BOOM.......giant life lesson right there......and one I wanted her to have to some degree, I did....because ANYTHING could happen....and being reliant on a person financially is not something I want for her.....and then she talked about even if she gets married, she wants to have a career.....etc....etc...I told her it also can keep people in unhappy marriages or places, because they are financially dependent.....and while I think it is a solid takeaway....one that will serve her, and one she arrived at on her own......and I am proud that she sees me taking care of us financially on my own it is a heavy truth......and she knows her dad gives me child support and pays half of her tuition......but she also sees that life is way more expensive than that and it falls on me to do so much in our lives......and I say none of this to take away from stay at home moms, or the immense work they do....I GET IT....and those moms deserve a paycheck alongside the ones that work outside the home......I have deep respect for that too........but having experienced what I have.....and so suddenly to some degree, and surprisingly, it makes me feel how important this topic is.....because you never know......I know a pocket of women that were left, and their spouses were the breadwinners, and now they are struggling so much, and it is heartbreaking and unfair.....so as these things come to find my daughter....without that intention for her, I don't want her to be collecting these things and housing them in a defensive place where she seeks to protect herself in ways that make her cold or scared to open her heart and follow whatever path lays out.....I just want her to make her way in the world, and live to her fullest potential and trust it all......and I felt so conflicted when she said that, and made that connection......one part being impressed at her mature perception at her age, and the other part so sad at her mature perception at her age:(.....I never wanted her to be so grown so fast.....and this story has certainly done that to some degree......and I just keep doing my best to keep guiding her....and keeping the lines of communication wide open.....she is wise beyond her years indeed.....and I look forward to seeing her life unfold and the beauty that will be found there:) I know this story will color her life for the rest of it.....but I am hoping for the highest manifestation of that fact, amen........