Not all that long ago

I am sipping my coffee this morning.......I took down the plastic I had on my french door, it had been obstructing my view, but I felt it prudent in case we lost power.....Planning to put a blanket over it to keep the heat in this room as I made a fire, if the need appeared.......I gathered tons of wood....dragging my wheelbarrow through the snow, which wasn't easy, and then loaded the kid's sleds with some too.....and not all that long ago, about 5 years now, this storm would have scared me.....the clearing of it.....a formidable opponent.....and after my ex left, it did snow 30 inches, very soon after.....and in hindsight it was the best thing that could have happened.....it forced me out of my catatonic state, and forced me to take action......lest be buried beneath snow....a physical thing to do with all that grief, and I remember contemplating shoveling, because my dad had just taught me how to use my snow blower and it intimidated me in big ways.....and shoveling seemed like the lesser of the two at that point, but I finally got over myself and well.....haven't looked back.....having a deep love affair with my snow blower lol:) Yesterday I waited a little too long and it was choking some on the snow.....but it still powered through.....I recently had a funny, well at least now it is funny, that day is was aggravating as you know what......but it was when we had that bitter light blowing snow, and it was frigid again, and blowing so much.....and my glasses were completely fogged, so I was basically snow blowing blindly.....and it started to sputter some midway down the driveway like it needed gas....and it spoke to me to get it back to the garage ASAP to get gas in it, because I do not pull start it.....I still opt to start it with the extension cord......so I am blind....racing it back before it quits.....and I jump it over the lip the garage, and I hit the handle one extra time, and it sucks up the extension cord! Not my finest moment lol:) Luckily another shear pin, my new best friends, bought a bunch....and a sacrificed cord did the trick....and she is as good as new, my dad helped me get it back up and running......and it is all mindset......ALL of it......and sometimes just having never done a thing before, and needing to prove to yourself you can is all you need to get over yourself......and this morning I have to deal with the rest.....I will clear it well.....going deep in the corners to widen the space.....and I sit here deeply grateful that all my prepping was not needed so far......but feeling accomplished that I did it in case....to keep my kiddos and I warm.......we live at 60 degrees normally on the thermostat, having fully adjusted to that, and I left the thermostat there too....but had all of our electric heaters running constantly, and it is warm in here for sure......so now I have handy wood to have fires indoors for the rest of the season:) Right inside of my garage by the door......For more fun purposes, not so much survival, and am ahead of the game on cooking dinners for my week! So it was time well spent, and I am glad that the me of 5 years ago faced her fears that day......even though she didn't wanna lol:) And did it kicking and screaming......like so much of this journey.....but once the other side is there, well it is everything......today that blower feels like mine.....not a machine that ever belonged to another......it is mine.....and I feel as comfortable using it as I do anything......and can I say how grateful I am that I have it.....I would have shoveled it all if I had to, but damn I am glad I didn't have to! My heart goes out to those that did......So today I have some trainings to do for a virtual in service day, and some snow clearing on my docket......we can do hard things.....and those things will continue for sure, and I have found those are the things that change your life:) xoxo