Nothing to lose......

I traveled home on Monday and did not write my blog, and I think that was the first day I did not write one in nearly 4 years......there were a couple of others that I did not post due to getting distracted by life.....but I have never not written one...... it has been my disciplined habit for nearly 4 years to wake up and write......and it has absolutely changed my life.....writing gives us the ability to hear ourselves in a way that is like no other......not like therapy.....not like anything......and my blog perhaps has been the most controversial part of my journey for some folks......I am sure some wonder why I bother....or why I put stuff out there.......or question my decision to do so, and continue to do so......and some have expressed judgement about it, and that has found its way to me, and I am sure there are undercover folks judging too.....and I have reached a dangerous level of freedom in my new life......where none of that matters.....none of it.....because each entry of my blog is one less piece of pain and baggage that I carry.....and it has become a beautiful coping mechanism to help people change their lives......and feel like somebody understands.....and to feel like they are not alone.....and the heat I have received has been small in comparison to the feedback I have received in the positive column.....I recently discovered that there was a pocket of people that were spreading rumors that my blog is "fake" and that the things I write about are not true.....and one would think that that kind of thing would rattle a cage.....make a person feel insecure or upset.....but it didn't do either of those things.....at all.......I have lost all respect for the source of that commentary, so that takes the heat out of that gossip....but more than that is that I know the TRUTH.....and the truth is the truth no matter what others say.....I would never write lies in my blog....never.....I am not deceptive by nature......my blog is my perspective, my life....my experience, and writing it as I see it.....and I have reached a place of freedom.....where I have nothing to lose......insulating myself from the hurt and pain that can come from other's opinions.....and just fiercely committing to my truth......at all costs......putting myself out there, and being vulnerable has become easier as I have traveled.....and if it makes others uncomfortable...... well......I can't do much about that.....that is their own internal battle.....if I had gone underground and hidden away my feelings, and not given them room to breathe this story would have been very different.....we heal by speaking our truth.....by acknowledging our pain and giving it room to alchemize.....otherwise we get sick....I will continue to follow my truth to all the places it leads me.....and step over the rumors and gossip that is not based in truth and serves nobody......it doesn't matter.....at all.....and coming to that place has been powerful for me.....in every way.....and I will continue to write for however long it makes sense for me.....and it will find its way to the people that are meant to read......I guess even my haters......and to all those people that have supported this blog and continue to......thank you:) It is greatly appreciated:)