Searching for THIS ALL of my life........

When I was a kid I wrote a children's book in elementary school.....we all did, and I wrote about these two twin girls that lived this lavish life......a mansion......limo......great clothes, you get the idea.....it is kind of funny to think of now, and doesn't really feel like me.....while I most definitely like beautiful things.....and spa stuff and well shopping.....;-) my desires have never been like that......yes I have dreams.....ones I am actively chasing......but most of all, and my entire life.....I wanted very little in this life......and well.....it turned out to be a big ask up until now.....I wanted my little family to work out.....I wanted a family for as long as I could remember.....and letting go of that dream in this chapter has been hard......but I did.....and I reimagined the idea of what a family really is.....and for me.....it is my children and I.....and we are more than enough together:)......and it feels right as the dream drove away, and I let go.....but there was one other thing on my radar.....and it finding the loyalty of another human in love.....a person willing to bring to the table what I do......a ride or die in love.....and I may have found it in my current situation.....it remains to be seen due to the distance and some challenges that come as a result of that......he certainly has been there for me through so much of this story, right there, and his friendship had helped me so deeply, before the love came in........but as simple as that sounds to desire, it is so rare in this world......finding somebody that fiercely has your back.....gives as much as you are willing to give on a regular basis, and it has been the theme of my life for sure.....misplacing my love and loyalty. Giving and giving and having people willing to take.....and this chapter is not about that now.....when you finally know better, you do better.....that is true.....and so I am confident in my ability to hold out for that......or be happy to be alone......and as much as I love my fella now, and it has been pure magic, and he has grown to become a deep connection in my life....into the fabric of all of it, if it doesn't continue to meet my desire for THAT kind of love.....I won't stay in it either......I did not walk through the hell I did to not get that piece in this chapter.....and it isn't being picky or having unrealistic expectations.....it is about my knowing my worth now and what I finally deserve......and I know it exists, because I have felt it:) And still do:)......so yea I guess young Jenn thought she may want a limo or some fancy house, and even a twin sister lol.....but she was mistaken......she wants to be loved well by the lake:) And so it shall be;-) Happy Saturday!