I still have a challenged relationship with sleep.......even after nearly 16 months......for the first few months sleep nearly completely eluded me......I started to fear I would never sleep again.....and then sleeping began to enter the picture some.....the hours would begin to stretch together......but I still do not sleep like I once did.......I fall asleep early, likely earlier than most adults lol:) That is the best sleep I get in the beginning of the night, but I am normally up somewhere between 12 and 2 for at least a little bit before I fall back and get up at 4.....and really my sleep patterns or lack thereof was the reason for my morning routine fidelity eventually......my continual waking that early allowed for me to take advantage and catapulted my healthy habits......but sometimes I miss normal sleep......there are nights I sleep soundly all night.......always grateful for those nights.....but not as often as I would like.......and my dreaming life is also extremely active and vivid.......perhaps my subconscious still working out so much.......when you think of the power of grief and heartache it is kinda remarkable to think of......that something could disrupt your sleep cycle.......and for the longest time it disrupted my appetite too......just all of it, turned topsy turvy.......so as I am settling into my new normal.....never to return to anything that remotely resembles my past.......or old life again......I just accept what it is like now......nothing else to be done about it.......So getting 6-8 hours total is enough......Taurus folks need their sleep;-) it actually doesn't take too much time to get your body on a rhythm.......I first began working out and running in this process when the kids were on Facetime at night.....and I did my workout then......but then when I started back to in person teaching it just seemed to make sense to put it into my mornings.....and since I was roaming the house at all hours then anyway......why not......I also often find it odd that I am not lonely here......that being alone in the early morning doesn't really affect me at all.....and that the presence of my children is enough to sort of dull the emptiness that happens when you lose your spouse.......when you are used to having that space filled.....and now just 16 months later......it sometimes feels as if I never had that at all......that I never shared my bed or my life with anybody at all......it is so strange how things can take shape and change as time marches on......and almost as if a dream.......your old life fades away......like it never existed.......so for now.......my routine is cemented due to my odd sleeping habits......and I try and get as much sleep as I can in between my wake ups.....and hope that one day it will be more normal......but for now, like so many other parts.....it works for me.....and I remain faithful that one day it will be different......somehow......some way.......
Sleep
jperuso
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