STAND up for YOUrself!

There is an interesting dynamic that takes hold when somebody does something horrific to you, and betrays your trust, or hurts you deeply, when you confront it and call it out....you go from "victim" to villain, so curious huh?....And really I loathe the word victim.....I am NEVER a victim.....NEVER....despite what has happened to me at the hands of others, on any given day I only feel like a victor:) But villainizing somebody that you betrayed, and lied to endlessly is about as toxic as it comes....and recruiting others, even worse.......and it has happened to me a few times, accountability being too difficult to face and own, because the ability for redemption doesn't live there, at least not for now, and when a person wants to spin a false narrative, to save themselves with others, well you need a scapegoat, so there it is...... However I have also been on a mission of alchemizing that pain and suffering just as quickly as it comes... and the journey since my divorce has been about speaking my truth boldly and standing up for myself....having spent years abandoning myself, and hiding truths in an effort to protect others, and maybe myself too.....not wanting to rock the boat or feel the shame associated with what the truth brings sometimes.....however when I finally went ALL in and began to be more direct... owning my truth, and standing up for myself it did not bring shame or embarrassment at all, it brought healing and freedom......we cannot heal the things we don't acknowledge......we just can't....and I know that my comfort and willingness to be direct, and speak the truth can be off putting to those that are used to hiding, and keeping things hidden......or just folks that are just not used to speaking up as much.....I have experienced more than once my truth shining light on other people's denial, and wanting to hide the truth from the world but maybe even more importantly from themselves......like I show up to their closet of denial with a big flashlight........and as I encountered it again recently, I am reminded again of the fact that how others react and respond is on them.....completely....as long as you are leading with truth, gentleness, good intentions, and love, and taking the high road then you cannot be wrong....I believe that.......and people have no right to lie about you or the truth of what they did, human beings are not disposable, and not meant to be treated as such.....and that you absolutely have a right to STAND UP FOR YOURSELF....learning how to better stand up for myself has been life changing......I was the eternal doormat for a period of life.....allowing others to walk on me endlessly.....and seeking to understand them, and give grace, and forgiveness to them to the detriment of myself.....and I won't do that again.....we have a right to own and live in our stories.....and say the things we need to to heal no matter how it is received.....in fact the receiving part is really of no consequence......similar to victim impact statements.......the reason they are still a thing, and so powerful, is that people get to speak their truth, and how another person hurt them......they are rarely met with a convicted killer owning their behavior, or saying some eloquent beautiful thing in response.....although I am certain that that happens too.....and I actually hope it happens more often than I think it does......we want people to help us heal by apologizing......deeply and sincerely.......but the real power of saying it is in the release.....a thing that my blog has taught me.....allowing me to keep the ledger current in my heart and soul, and prevent poor health and emotional strife to poison me.....when I do my coaching at the weigh loss clinic, the doctor often talks about some people going through some trauma, divorce, etc....and then soon returning being diagnosed with disease or cancer etc....and our emotional pain will manifest physically if we don't handle it......and my commitment is fierce in terms of healing, and not festering alongside taking REALLY good care of me, those two pieces have enabled me to feel as if each day I get to feel healthier, and feel better and better....and well that feels like magic:) We get to speak life into the things that hurt us, and emotionally wound us and give that a voice.....confronting those responsible if we are able.....I truly believe that.....however what remains sad to me is that the majority of folks don't want to help hold the pain that they caused......satisfied to hit and run......leaving the person to be left holding their pain, and figuring out what to do with it......So I hope this entry finds the folks it is meant to....and reminds you that you have the right to share your pain......have it be heard.......validated......all of it.......finding a way to release so it doesn't live inside of you.......and in fact it is so healthy......burying hurt is the fastest way to get sick or deplete your life......that I also believe......and it was not easy for me to come to the place where I feel such comfort in speaking my heart, and my soul, and truth and the rest....but it has absolutely changed my life, in nearly every way.....this blog has been SO healing and it is why I continue to write it every day as I move along, and heal further with my latest blow, I will keep my integrity in tact, and honor my healing journey however I am able.......finding ways to move through the hurt that was handed to me, to leave it behind, unwilling to carry it for very long .......knowing that there is no way around healing, just through:) Speak your truth even if your voice shakes:) And the effort you put into healing is effort well spent indeed, I am living proof:) And I guess the other piece is this, you cannot expect people that don't tell the truth, pathologically lying endlessly, and people that are lying to themselves and others endlessly, to appreciate truth or share it with you. Or even be willing to hear it........ Honesty is not where they live, and I guess expecting that is foolish. But even if that truth is not heard or validated.....it doesn't make it any less true. I used to say a lot that just because you say something over and over, doesn't make it true.......but standing up for your own truth, with honesty and integrity, no matter what others do is the way:) you can't expect healthy stuff from toxic folks that is true, especially if you are trying to break them yourself....... and as the truth of the things I knew continue to rain down, I will look at it fully, not turning away, and take the time to learn from it, never to repeat it:) And feeling very grateful to close a door on this chapter now, and begin a new one! Off to set up my classroom today! Have a great Monday:)