The brush with my life lingers....

I tend to use humor to endure......if some serious stuff is going on, you will hear me crack a joke at some point....and the same was true as we left the ER Friday after my allergic reaction.....and my mom and daughter and I chuckled in the relief of the moment behind us;-)......but the imprint of that experience has remained over the last couple of days......particularly as I went to work yesterday.....realizing that I might not have seen my classroom again.....and feeling the weight of it all......and I feel changed some more by it....adding it to my list of experiences that help me live THIS life......the one that I was intended to live.....and it has not changed me in a way that is rooted in fear.....I have done my best to shed fear back down the road, and the work I have done and continue to do with my faith takes care of fear, no room for the both of them:).....and I would be lying if I said that there will not be a part of me that will feel apprehensive about taking any medication again ever lol:) BUT......I will lean into my trust, and faith and not let fear win.....and cross that bridge another day:).....but that experience was a point of awakening, like some of the rest of what I have walked through.....I am fortunate to have run toward health in this chapter....using it to alchemize my need to control some of my life, when it was all falling apart.....and it has served me well....but the other day showed me the fragile nature of our lives.....and reinforced their precious nature, reminding me of who is counting on me....and how no matter what things can happen, right? We are not immune to any of it, in a real sense......and I tend to look toward the lesson.....wondering always the purpose of an experience.....and I am not sure yet what that was, but I trust I will know someday.....but the experience is lingering....staying with me.....and maybe even more so since my sleep has been disrupted, except for last night......I have been on a steroid pack since Friday, and maybe being down to a lower dose yesterday allowed some much needed sustained sleep to find me......and I feel much better today, as I embark on a snow day! Feels like a gift today amid the rest too......This year has been one of the stranger years of my life.....and that says a lot considering the Covid divorce years lol:) But.....I mean it.....there has been a shift in consciousness this year, that I am still trying to articulate, well......and struggling to find the words.....but I am not the same woman that celebrated the new year, or Christmas last year.......or Thanksgiving, I am changed, no doubt......... By way of my own growth, my faith, my life experience, my willingness, my decisions, my divine protection, and the blessing of strength to endure.....amid all of it.....and perhaps I keep marveling at it because I was so certain that the transformation I walked through after my ex left would be the biggest of my life.....certainly catapulting my life in a direction, and in a way I never expected.....so living this year and feeling the big change that found me within was surprising.....but as I have said so many times, I am here for it.....I no longer fear change.....I embrace what it comes to show, and share with me.....and trust that the effort I put toward using my life lessons is worthwhile, always......and more than anything my gratitude for being protected on Friday is at the forefront of all of it......and able to walk out of that ER.....Amen xoxo Enjoy the SNOW DAY!!!!!!!!!!:)