The difference is I love HER......

I think as humans we face the round robin types of themes and situations that play in our lives....and perhaps we all feel that moment when something finds us that feels familiar....and we think how is this here AGAIN for me to look at.....I thought I already moved past it.....frustrating right?? But I suppose the consciousness of understanding where we are, instead of blindly walking around is a win......I am at a crossroads of sorts right now.....being called to be who I say I am.....owning her completely and loving her completely, above all else.....well except my kiddos ;-) And well I AM HER......and I DO LOVE HER.......finally.......and damn if I have worked hard to do that......to sort through all the parts of her, and do my best to evolve and learn and grow......and I still have work to do but I am much further along then I once was.........and I will never abandon her......never again.....or settle for anything in my life that does not bring the same level of love and care to my doorstep that I give......and I am beginning to believe again that a person cannot love a person, not truly anyway, or fully, or any of the rest .....or maybe in the ways they need to, if that person doesn't love themselves.....and loving ourselves includes taking really good care of ourselves too, I have learned that now.....I have written before about the fact that I smoked cigarettes once upon a time.....it is still hard for me to believe....but I did....and I quit 21 years ago this summer......and my current therapist was shocked by it when it came up.....feeling like it is a self destructive thing to do, and finding it hard to believe I did that.....but I was a different gal then.....and have been many versions of her since....and the woman I am today loves herself way better, but won't love herself nearly as well as the woman I will be up ahead.....I know that.....I learn every year how to do it a little better, and fully.....so the crossroads I am currently standing at is gut checking that level of love.....calling for me to be the woman I am now......not dipping into old Jenn places....and I suppose we cannot expect things from others that they cannot give themselves, that is a big one right......and really it is up to us each day to give to ourselves.......in the ways we want others to give to us, be the energy we want to attract....and sometimes we outgrow.....move past......evolve beyond....... energy we once enjoyed......or loved even......I have certainly experienced that in this lifetime....and I am guessing I will again.......but the love I have clawed my way to within myself, will forever be my north star.....guiding me to the places I belong and away from the places I don't..............