The land between

The passage of time is a funny thing....and the awareness of it too. Realizing that so much time has gone by in one moment. Based on one thing reminding us.....I was speaking to a friend the other morning and realizing that this January marks 4 years since my ex left. That seems crazy to me that I have been journeying this long on my own. And that it has been so long......July 4th brought that to the forefront too......spending time with my kids, my parents, and my brother and his wife, and realizing that it all feels normal now. Holidays without their dad here, or without being married, or a "family of four"......just the three of us, and it feels absolutely as it should......somehow that normalcy creeping in when I didn't notice. And thinking of that......makes me feel happy that is how it is. Taking some time to get there for sure.........Holidays for a little while being the "pokey" spot.......the reminding spot.....of all that was lost, or maybe more of all that has changed.....but now not having that be so at all........our new normal has come to find us bit by bit.....until it has become our NORMAL......and I love that for us. I really really do.......:)Mads talked to me the other day about it all again too. Acknowledging the pain she felt in the aftermath of her dad leaving, but then speaking to how well she is doing now, and how she feels OK about it all, and feels she is doing well in it......I truly think that both of my kids love our new life now too.....finding that hard to admit sometimes to me or themselves.......I mean they will likely always have a place that wishes their dad stayed, wishes they had a more traditional family......wishes for the before. I think that is just part of the territory......But overall I see the awareness in them that due to so many things our quality of life has increased tremendously. And that they feel super safe and happy with me being the main person for them, and that their visits with their dad are enough now.......they don't yearn for more of him or his space anymore.......again new normal just being normal......and maybe this was the year for that to take hold.......finding us all, adjusted and not in the land in between any longer......I think we have crossed over that bridge. No longer between lands......on the other side and in our own land :) A full and complete land, not wrought with any broken pieces, or missing ones. Complete and wonderful in its own right......and it Feels kinda amazing......not sure why July 4th brought it to my doorstep but it did......somehow making me see how much time has gone on, and witnessing the adapted version of my beautiful family......and realizing how very grateful and blessed I am that that is so.......we had a lovely day enjoying family time and just being........so today marks a stepping stone......a place to lookout and acknowledge how far we have come. How hard we worked to find our way here.......and that all feels like more than enough! Happy Friday! 😊