The shift with the other woman......

I had written awhile back about making peace with the other woman, and being on friendly terms with her, and I was.....but then something happened, that shifted that, and made that no longer possible for me, and it is a shame truly.....because it never had to be like this...never....and it is for lots of reasons, ones I won't outline.....and when I worked toward forging a relationship with her, it was genuine for me.....doing my best to make it as easy and as good as it could be considering the circumstances.....and respecting her position in my ex husband's life.....and the lessons I gained from pushing myself that way....... will never be lost for me, it was good work for me to do.....and it was huge growth from where it began for me with her......and perhaps for her too, I can't speak for her.......but sometimes circumstances step forward, that shift stuff, and well.....there is nothing to be done except to proceed in the way you feel you need to......and I trust the trajectory of it all.....knowing that every bit of this story will play out as it is is supposed to moving forward.....I am doing all I can on my end to ensure that, and trusting the process.....but I suppose I write this today wishing I was living a different truth.....a different story....not one where my marriage worked necessarily....although perhaps I wish sometimes that I had found the right marriage for me, and lived happily ever after, with a husband and my children.....or maybe that things had worked out differently between their dad and I in another life......and that hurts to type that.....a pain spot, realizing that was not the case....because having a happy family was all I had ever hoped for really.....my whole life......so that is not the longing I feel.....I long for a functional relationship with my children's dad and his girlfriend.....and the way is not totally clear at this point.....but I never lose hope in the way.....there were things that happened in this story that I never saw happening......positive things.....so I have hope that that will be the case with this piece too....I do not wish her any ill will at all....quite the contrary.....and I truly wish the best for both of them......they are meant to be together, no question......and for now this is how it has to be....and I accept that.....and I just try and do my best to do the next right thing, not always knowing what that is....but doing my best to find my way.......one day, one step forward at a time.......