There are some stark realities when you suddenly become alone with your kids.....and it is a double edged sword no doubt.....part of it has been marvelous......Making our way, and doing our thing.......when I think of how many adventures we seized in the last couple of years, my heart swells with happiness and gratitude......and I never feel lonely or scared.....or anything else you might think one would feel in my position.......but there are parts of it that are less fun and exciting.....and sometimes the hustle that it is hurts my heart for my kids.....they get shuffled around so much more than they would have in our old life.....especially my daughter.....she goes from place to place each day of the week.....and we make it work....and we have a lot of hands on deck to help our lives run in the day to day around work and the rest.....and for that I am so very grateful......and I try not to feel sorry for them....the same way I have tried to never feel sorry that my son has Williams Syndrome.....when you don't know, or remember any different than the reality that is here, then this is the way.....their way....our way.....and my daughter doesn't remember any different fully, she definitely remembers some things....but she was so young when he left.....but her 8 year childhood thus far has withstood a global pandemic that colored the beginning and the divorce of her parents....and there is an ache in my heart for her....one that I cannot deny.....and the challenges of all of that have also brought resilience to her life....an adaptability, and a fierce quality that will serve her in this life and help her endure.....but it isn't what I wanted for her....not hardly.....and they come with me when I have to work sometimes, or to my appointments, all sorts of places.....and they just flow.... like the tides of the oceans.....flowing easily in and out.....and again all good stuff to learn.....so wishing for it to be different....or lamenting about what is, isn't worthwhile.....it just isn't......I know that.....but sometimes I just have to say it......and I suppose it affects me more than them.....as I do know the difference....and know what I would have wanted for them.......the three of us have had to adapt, and shift in so many ways to adjust to our new lives....and we have:) And I guess I write about this to express my pride too, for my kids, and how impressed I am with them in this chapter, and all I have seen in them....been able to bear witness to, .and the growth......it has been incredible.....truly.......and this span of time will forever remain a special time too.....sacred even in our lives.....and so many mountains were climbed hand in hand....and so many obstacles overcome....and so much love, and light, and laughter truly......:) They are my people, and I am wildly blessed to have been given them to walk with, they are my favorites and I am so very proud to call them my own:)
jperuso
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