The switch was flipped......

So I have come to believe we all carry themes of our own.....like walking, literary works of art, each housing our novels, and stories in the depths of our souls......and as we travel those themes in our stories are shown as the plot reaches a fever pitch......and mine has been surrounding self worth as it comes to romantic love.....or maybe that is one of the major themes, there are always others;-) But that one is ever present......spinning round and round.....and in this last round of discovery, a huge switch was flipped......so intensely that it catapulted my entire being into another place altogether......no longer spinning in that timeline, for lack of a better way to describe it......all at once shedding old skin that was no longer my own.....like snakes do.....leaving it right there on the forest floor, and moving along.....that is what it feels like I did......shedding what did not feel like ME anymore.....the parts of me that were not helping me......at all..... but it wasn't just the shedding, it has been the 20/20 vision that came into sharp and laser focus.....seeing my own actions so clearly too....seeing how flawed it was at certain parts.....and seeing the places that I could not see then.....and I have written before about the magic of clarity, and how amazing it is when it can visit us......coming bearing its gifts.......like brightly colored packages, donning a red bow, and arriving on a silver platter for us to take in! And that is where I am......seeing it all so clearly.....crystal clear......but this time it is like a giant switch was flipped.....between the before and the now......never to return to that before.....that door closed.....and the way I feel internally about what is attractive to me, and what isn't.....and what I honor, and what I don't......and just ALL of it has changed.....like taking one of those dramatic power surge switches, and flipping it off and back on:) And I have done the work.....I really have.....I have dug in, and deeply dove into all the bullshit that has kept me stuck for so long.....and the reward is this flip of the switch:) No question.....and it was painful work, uncomfortable work, tiring work.....but it feels like it is my responsibility.....not just to myself.....my kids.....but for others.....to help them find that too.....I consider myself a reformed people pleaser, perfectionist, and control person.....letting all of that go....lying it down, like that skin......and walking on......I have learned that our patterns die hard.....the ones that live deep inside of us.....And sometimes they break......that happened when my ex left.....but as they were breaking free I was spending the last 5 years shedding those things....and learning to love me better, and then this final jolt broke free some stuff that was stuck and hanging on......being brave enough to let go, that is really where you find the gold......it is not easy at all....but worth it....but I am reaching another level of sight in this chapter that feels exhilarating.....and exciting.....and fresh and new.....and I am not naive enough to think that it won't keep evolving.....that I have reached the end of my understanding for any of it....but it is definitely a quantum leap in that direction.....the leap I just leapt;-) And leaving behind energy drain, a drain that was not serving me at all......And the epiphanies come daily.....the things I SEE now, that I did not SEE then.....like "Amazing Grace"......I once was blind but now I see, Amen:)