The sword has two sides........

Nothing is one way right?? Everything has a mix of good and challenge......I have intentionally removed "bad' from my vocabulary, and substituted challenge for a long time now, it just feels better;-) So yea the good and challenge stuff......and there is a part of me that loves my singledom......reigning over my own Queendom......and loving the gifts I have found here.....and there is another part that gets weary.....the single mom hustle is challenging......like no other.....and this week reminded me of it......so much juggling, and keeping up, and figuring out, and problem solving.....and working, and bringing my kids.....and Mads and I had a little conversation that hurt me some.....she had a meeting at her school, it was the parent Town Hall, and all the kids were going to be staying and playing while the parents did that....and it was at 3:15 and I couldn't make it due to work......we have a new intervention period at the end of the day, that I can't miss......and a lot of her stuff falls at that time, and I do my best to make as much as I can, but I couldn't make this....and she was upset she had to get picked up instead by one of the angels that make this all work with me......and most of the other moms don't work, or have more flexibility than I....and I was trying to explain that to her....but disappointment was there and needed to be worked through.....and then she was bummed she and her brother had to come with me to my work on Thursday night, she didn't feel like it.....and I get that.....but it all felt like a lot to me......because all I am trying to do is hustle, and work hard to make this life work for them......they have been lucky enough to have almost the same level of life that they did before......we still live in the same house......they still have all they need and more.....full bellies.....new stuff if they need.....they are warm enough......loved well......you get the idea.....and my girl just doesn't know the enormous feat that that is on my own......it all falls on me.....and at the end of the month when I pull it off somehow.....I just feel grateful:) And it feels like an enormous feat to me, and I hope my daughter one day sees it as that too and admirable.....but for now she wishes for different, and I get that.....some of the challenges would have been the same anyway, single or not.....work is work.....and I am grateful to have a career to care for my kids so well.....after 22 years.....so........I breathed through it all....the juggling, the making it work, the balls endlessly circling above my head as I feverishly juggle.....and today I catch my breath.....this weekend, taking a breath, and am happy for the weekend indeed! Sometimes things just are and we need to accept it.....and trying to understand each other, when we are feeling some kind of way ourselves is the way to that....I heard my daughter this week......validated her.....but knew I couldn't change it.....and our unit of 3 is fierce and strong.....it really is.....our favorite place to be....when we are together it feels like magic and ease.....but it is not perfect indeed, and these issues lie around within that space.....and I hope one day she sees it all.....more clearly....and with her grown mind......and realizes that I truly did my best as often as I could......:) And will always have their backs fiercely, always ......Happy Saturday:)