There are a bunch of wounded folks out there.....in my age group....doing the the things.....finding love, and trying to make it all work.....and it isn't easy....as my love story has taken hold I have been struck by how my wounds have their say.....and not in the ways you would think.....not in the worrying about being cheated on again, or in a lack of trust....that part is quite the opposite....people will do what they will whether you build a cage around them or not....so you may as well love free......I don't worry about those things at all but my wounds show up in other places.....surprising places, and I realize in those moments that I am not the same person I was.....and you may be like DUH! if you are reading for awhile:) Like of course you are not the same, and have expressed that a million times....and that is not what I mean:) I mean I am not the same in love.....and there is a distinction in the changes I feel.....in different areas of my life.....realizing so much has changed, and embracing that change.....and getting to know the new me if that makes sense.....as she is faced with what comes.......but when it comes to love there is a little grief for the person I once was.....and not because my new version isn't loving well....I think I am.....but because there are pieces of me, that were obliterated the night he left.....something left with him that has left a space in me that changed.....and it is hard to articulate fully what I mean or feel....but you know me, I do try;-) So I guess when it comes up and I am faced with it, it stuns me....like really and shocks me some, because I expect to show up like old me some and then new me is there.....and what strikes me more than anything is the skittishness that has found me.....runaway bride vibes.....I have to force myself to sit in whatever work comes up, and work through it instead of just running.....and that was never me.....obviously.....case in point was my staying way too long at the party....much of my life.....and I do not mean that my relationship is bad or causes me to want to run all the time....that is not true.....quite the opposite....it has likely been the healthiest one I have had.....made of real and deep stuff....but there is a part of me that shies away from stuff I never did before......in the spirit of skittish.....and so as with the rest....I am growing.....each time I choose to face what I need to to grow in love, and with him, I am healing another part......I believe love has the power to heal us.....the wounds of our past.....if we choose to do it right and work through the things we need to.....I am committed to working each day to let love rule in every part of my life and let it wash over all my wounded spaces and heal them one by one:) And I am lucky my guy is too.....xo
The wounded......
jperuso
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