Tiptoeing to catching a stride.................

Both of those words delight my word nerd endlessly......lol:) FUN words.....tiptoeing is to walk gently, quietly, being mindful of what walking fully may cause.....and to step into a stride is to own your steps......walking with confidence, maybe grace, but definitely intention.....and moving in a way that owns the space that you take up....and in marveling some about how much my life has transformed again in the last half of this year, I realize that using this analogy makes sense......spending my life dialing back.....holding myself back.....watering myself down.......whatever term you want to use.....in the hopes that I could fit into spaces.....spaces that I wanted to fit into....never wondering if they were worthy of my being in them.....not even considering that at all.....just thinking, once I arrived there, that I needed to mold myself to fit within the confines of whatever space that was.....making sure my steps were sweet, kind.....accommodating....soft.......pleasant.....and the list goes on....tiptoeing round as to not rock the boat......being a muted version of myself in those spaces.....and the last 5 years have been about letting myself run free.....the truest version of myself I have ever been stepping forward, and it has been intoxicating.....and in many ways I have remained true to that......but this last shedding was a big one....shedding that last piece that defaults to tiptoeing when the people around start behaving badly......to choosing to acquiesce over taking up too much space, or being TOO much......There is an intensity to me, that I get.....especially if you are in my inner circle....and get to see the real me......I crave depth.... real.... growth.... truth.......passion, intimacy, and authenticity like oxygen......and not all folks are like that......I get that too......and I seek to keep the ledger current, maybe now more than ever......because I have lived a life where it never was.....causing resentment....anger.....bitterness.....ugly feelings.....feeling like I have lived often with a gag in my mouth.....not wanting to rock the boat.....tiptoeing....all of that......and when it comes to relationships, romantic ones......I know so deeply that men are from Mars, and women from Venus, maybe with my newfound fascination with astrology, that makes the most sense it ever has, not having read the book....;-) BUT I know so completely that knowing that.....and knowing what that means in the battle of the sexes if you will.....I will never tiptoe again to satisfy a fragile male ego.....never......I know that the man I seek is strong in his own right.....no fragile ego in sight.....and that he is a man that seeks and craves the things I do....being a strong swimmer and able to swim in my depths;-).....but the days of my making myself smaller to FIT somewhere are over.....COMPLETELY......I have loved unconditionally ALL OF MY LIFE......ALL OF IT........loving deeply flawed people and loving them as if they were made of gold, sunshine, stardust, and magic:) Sharing my love and adoration so freely with them.......Part of my superpower skill set.....and in this chapter.....I deserve the same, finally.....Amen:) Happy Wednesday:)