Traveling some!.......

So today I head out a little into the world:)......traveling to be with my fella for a couple of days and spend some time in the light of love......and here is what has struck me about it the most.....as it has unfolded I realized how neglected I had felt some in that way.....and for so long.......longer than I realized............I have been soldiering on for so long that having some of my needs met again in love has felt so good.....and accepting the idea that I needed some of that too.....that as much as I have acclimated, and love my single life there are still pieces that I needed as a human, and as a woman in the world at this age......and I am still trying to figure out how the flow should be.....spending time this holiday with my family and my kids, and then some with him.....waiting for the time to be right to merge our lives some, and see how it feels with the kids involved......it is a delicate dance.....and since there is some distance involved it hasn't been progressing in the same way I suppose it would if we were close....and I am kinda glad for that fact.....as hard as it is to be away from him at times and not get to see him when I want it, it is perfect for our little family and the circumstance of it all......my girl still wrapping her head around the fact that I am dating and not sure how she feels about it.....Still wanting me to be all to herself and her brother and I so get that......I have mentioned that I feel that some too.......this little space the three of us have carved out deeply sacred......and special.....and unique......so I am not overthinking any of this at the moment.....getting too far down the road or too complicated.....just jumping to the next right thing.....and since I have some time off this week, THIS is the next thing.......and we have some adventures planned for the next couple of days and that feels lovely.......and I got to spend half of the break with my kids too which feels right ......I will be home Sunday night and will have Monday to hang with my kiddos again and decorate some.....at least one of my rooms....as the kitchen still unfolds........so I look forward to that....and I suppose the work to be done in this chapter is to accept that it is a challenge to carve out this time for myself, and not feel guilty, and allow myself to do what it is right for me too alongside being a single mom......and it feels challenging......I feel like I owe them, to I feel fiercely loyal to them due to them being mine, and because of all they have gone through......so love arriving the way it has has been hard for me to reconcile........it feels disloyal some, when I know that isn't logical......but love definitely becomes more complicated when you got kiddos in tow............so I suppose I am seeking balance in it all......wanting my kids to feel my presence in their lives...never absence as this unfolds......so for this weekend they have fun plans in my absence.....and I am happy for them! So as for today adventure is the call of the day! And I am here for it.........And I am going to allow myself to enjoy myself guilt free and know that I am allowed to put myself on the list too, I really am.....and I have learned that along the way! Happy Friday:)