UM....wait! What???

So I started doing my Saturday video a couple years back down the road....it was an inclination that I believe was divinely placed like the rest.....a call to my heart to help people get to know me better, and get my feet wet with public speaking, and release a weekly message, similarly to how my blog finds me.....and I came across one of my earliest videos the other day.....and my ability to deliver my message effectively has certainly evolved.....the art of "practicing" anything is true.....so valuable....and the consistency at which we do that......and consistency has indeed become a cornerstone of my life in this chapter....helping me evolve, and step into the places I want to go....and one of the things about the videos, and their evolution that has me feeling satisfied in that practice, and consistency, was my saying "um"......so often in those early videos.....one of those unconscious space fillers, that my brain just did on its own.....not being something I do when I am teaching or speaking at school......but each time I did my video it would be there....so many UMS......and at first I let it go....not finding it to be so disruptive, and feeling my message was still being conveyed....but then I started to notice it so fully.....and I had a lovely FB friend of mine that very constructively pointed it out too.....in a super kind way.....feeling like she loved my messages and found them so helpful for others but that the um...habit.....was a barrier some, and I do not think she thought I was aware of it....but I was.......so I am happy to report that today, I do not do it anymore....it took some conscious conditioning to make that happen......for awhile I had to think really hard as I was speaking to omit the UM......and when I speak, publicly or otherwise I never write anything down....opting to connect to my heart, truth and message and let it fly, never practicing beforehand....my videos often happening in the first take, and I feel like for me it works better....and it hits more authentically, because it is:) And I normally can find my flow, and it comes out the way that I intend for it to.....I did a podcast awhile back, that I was super proud of......having it come off exactly as I hoped it would.....I also spoke on online summits and felt that was also the case....I believe that there is an authenticity to me, and my message, whether written or spoken, that people get......and that is an asset completely as I am a person that is serving others in my business.....I want them to feel my heart for that......I have speaking on stages in my sights in this lifetime.....that resonates in my heart alongside the rest.....becoming an author.....an empowerment coach....all of it....and I am so clear on the fact that that vision was laid on my heart for a reason....and that I have a message in my heart that can change other people's lives....and that is at the heart of my mission....and so I feel like each experience I have had is preparing me for that someday....and needing so clearly to go through the eradication of the UM phase lol:) It was an interesting little stumbling place.....like I couldn't help it at all initially.....it just happened.....like stuttering I suppose.....it was strange.....but the more I focused on not doing it, the more I was able to stop doing it......and the patience to grow isn't easy....I have been consistently doing my videos, and the people watching them has really increased in the last 6 months, but it took some time for sure, and consistency....and that is the secret sauce....and belief.....I was reading a story yesterday with my class, a biography about the "Beatles"...and in the beginning it talked about their struggling to get gigs or have their music hit the way they wanted it to.....and the first producer told them that their music wasn't any good....and they stuck to what they felt was authentically them, and look at what happened! I talked to my class about that lesson yesterday......the art of never giving up, and holding your dream so close, that you do not let discouragement, or the pace at which it is realized, affect your passion and purpose in it all......and well that is how I feel. The little engine that could;-) I think I can.....I think I can.......indeed! My heart knows that one day I will be delivering my message on a stage.....speaking in an effective, heartfelt, and authentic way that will allow my message to hit, feeling so comfortable doing so after all the practice I have had......and remembering the UM the other day was in line with seeing how far I have come.....and knowing that I have further to go to reach that goal.....but I will, and I am here for it:)