Villain what???????....

So there has been an interesting corner of life I have been privy to now in this chapter.......one I never knew about before, and one that continues to confuse and perplex me......before I discovered my ex husband's infidelity the "villainizing" began.....and I could do no right....just an endless barrage of nitpicking and strife......and I remember at the time feeling so hurt and confused??? Like what is going on? Because despite our challenges, things had never been that contentious.......and then when all the pieces came together it began to make sense.....and I have been the "villain" ever since, at least outwardly......and in the aftermath I had a couple of friends do it to me too.....and as the unraveling of this last situation I was in, the villainizing began again there too, and to be honest I am glad.....because when you begin to do that to a person and THEY KNOW BETTER, it is a HUGE TELL.....the first time it happened in my life I may not have fully understood, and definitely didn't recognize it, but this time I was crystal clear on its source.......and what I have learned about this strange psychological tactic, not only from my own therapist, but from life experience.......is that it is about them, fully....as is most of the behavior we witness in others.....they need to make you the bad guy to make their story make any sense.....if you are an awful person, or deeply flawed in some way, then that means whatever awful thing they laid at your feet, isn't their fault, it is yours......and let me say that the people that have done it to me, have done horrible things to me, and taken full advantage of my kindness and generosity.....that isn't up for debate.....and I say that not as a victim either:) Or to have a pity party....I have moved past the hurt they extended my way, but I say that to say that there is no gray......I am most certainly not the bad guy in these tales......am I perfect, absolutely not:) But what I offered these people was loving, and real, and my best at many points, and whatever flaws of my own spun in the stories, were not deserving of the treatment I have received at any of their hands......that is #facts......so as I share the background on it all.....and I have written about it before....the healing circle, circling round......this last time, it didn't phase me anymore in the same way......it is typical of people that do not want to take any accountability for any of their actions, and behavior....and need to make it all somebody else's fault....and this was the case so completely....so while it was hurtful on a human level, and because I trusted and loved this person, and all things considered......the injustice of it did not sting in the same way.....because that is the challenge for me each time......knowing the truth of it all, and then seeing the way somebody is acting, the absurdity being so extreme......and ridiculous, and doesn't make sense....but here is what I have learned......the harder a person has to push you away, or shut you out, or not face you, or any of the rest is equal to the wrong they have caused......because stepping up and apologizing, or facing you, would remind them of the brokenness inside of them, and of their horrid deeds and actions.......that is also a fact.......and the less you are willing to put up with poor treatment, also causes people to distance themselves........wanting to find a person that is willing to deal with their poor treatment of them........and so by running and hiding, and telling themselves lies about you.....or worse other people lies about you, which maybe they actually believe....I do not think they do personally.....but I do think in each of the cases, those people know deeply what they did and the TRUTH......and while a justice piece lives in me that is challenged each time I have had it happen......I have learned to accept it.....not fight it....not try to make them understand, once I see the writing on the wall of who they are......fully accepting my cape and moving on......and putting more of my own energy into becoming healthier mind, body, and spirit, finding more peace, more joy, more light, and leaving behind those places that kept me stuck:)......and places I no longer belonged......and honoring their need to use their energy in the ways they choose.......and here is some truth too.....you cannot keep people in your life that don't match your vibration or future.....that is also true....if a person will villainize a person they clearly and intentionally hurt, when they did the things they did, are they somebody that can stay in your story? Absolutely not.....and shouldn't remain there, so each time, while hurtful, and sometimes if I am honest shocking, it has been a huge tell in their character and integrity, and a huge tell for me in terms of who no longer belongs in my life.......and here is one more important piece, I myself, despite what has happened in my past, has never made anybody a "villain", I realize I write this blog, and write it frankly and as I see it.....but I don't see it as the good guys and the bad guys, and I have grace forever for the human condition, and the things people do.....and I don't consider any of the people in my past "villains"....that is giving them too much power for one, but also not accurate.....they were hurt people that hurt people.......people that continue to be in need of healing.....and I hope they find it.........until then I have made peace with my "role" in their story.....being so sure of who I am, of my intentions for them, and the way I showed up in their stories, and the truth of the stories I have lived, that it has no impact on me in a real sense......just an interesting human condition, I never knew about until recently......Light irritates darkness, I believe that too....And I have forgiven them all......not willing to harbor ill feelings that will only poison my life and spirit.....and I mean that SO sincerely.....and I have been grateful each time I have been shown who does not have my best interest at heart, the divine having my back deeply, Amen:) Happy Wednesday:)