What's your name??

I have had a few instances to use my new official name change lately.....with customer service etc....and I did not think that it would make such a difference in my psyche to have my name officially changed back to my maiden name.....because I had used it in a few places early on.....but then I guess because I had to say my married name so often legally it never felt like I fully owned it.....or that it really fully belonged to me.....sort of straddling two identities....and not really having one to fit all of the identity shifting that had taken place within.....and to have a name that feels like it matches who I am now.....well...:) It feels really amazing.....and it feels good enough to think about wishing I had done it sooner....except I think it came at the perfect time.....as another powerful shift was taking place within.....a new evolution......another leap of growth.......and not being attached to my married name anymore feels amazing.....and I feel like my maiden name.....completely....the me before all of it.....only older......wiser....and certainly changed......and the other day I was on with the bank.....they were confirming my identity.....and asking me "what is your name? And I proudly told them....and I realized that before, each time I had to say my married name in the last 4 plus years there was a feeling attached to it, a quick dim of my energy.......shrinking back into a place I no longer wanted to be in....something that did not feel like me.....not being a Mrs. anymore by a long shot......and certainly not being tied to his identity anymore......no longer a package deal.....and so it felt inauthentic, maybe that is the right word?? Like everything else I have done feeling like ME......but then having to say my name, my own name, and have it not feel that way....and you would think it wouldn't matter.....what does it matter anyway for how often you use your last name....but........it does.....and I only know that because I have lived both ways.....and going into a new school year fully embracing my name is awesome too....my email at work is changed officially finally.....just saw that the other day......and that made me giddy....I still have a couple more places to wrap up....my insurance.....my teaching certification......but for all intents and purposes I am her.....and will remain all of my days....if I meet somebody that convinces me that getting married again is a good idea;-) I am not sure about changing my name again.....ever........as of today that does not feel likely.....and that might not be a part of the deal......not necessary really I have found.....because the reclamation of it was a HUGE process......took so much time to do it all....and the more I have to use it....and really embody it, the better it gets.....and I suppose it feels like the last act in my healing journey was to fully reclaim myself....or maybe not the complete healing journey, because it might not be ever done, but the end of a definite chapter of it.......and no longer holding onto any piece of the old life that I once lived in.....and as is the case often.....never did I see me taking that name back all those years ago, when I excitedly changed it the first time....which by the way was much easier I think.....not as much stuff to change.....but I am glad I got to be "her" again in this life.......to reconnect with the essence of who I was so long ago, mixed with the new woman I have gotten to meet......and the 2.0 version of myself is clear now, crystal.....on what she will allow in her life......she thought she was awhile ago....but turns out she was missing a few pieces of clarity that she needed.....but now she knows.....what she deserves.....what her worth looks like, but maybe more importantly what it FEELS like....really......and seeks to have people in her life that know those same things......having my new name officially feels like another lookout point....a place to stop and catch the view....being the only one that really knows how hard I have fought, and what I have had to overcome to BE her:) And she is walking into her new era......completely ready for whatever is next, identity in tact:) Have a great day!