Wildly uncomfortable.......

Since this all began.....and actually if I am thinking about it, since his affair had begun, I have been asked to be uncomfortable so much......be uncomfortable and grow, or have my quality of life ruined......and the situations present themselves endlessly now......just discomfort on repeat......and what has begun to happen......is I have stopped minding it so much.......stopped fighting it........when something comes that knocks me off my center and forces me to step up to grow.....I seek to do that now to right my ship........because the truth is......the cold hard truth......is that if there are not choices that a person makes in this situation, this kind of thing can seek and destroy a person's life......and there are unique complications and parts of my situation that make that even more so.......yesterday Gabe had his track meet.....and it was a situation where we were all there.......myself.......my ex and his girlfriend.....it is his weekend.....and my parents came too.....and it was the first time my ex had seen my parents too....yeah I know....right?????? .and all of it, is so heavy......so much unsaid words, and feelings swirling around.....and awkwardness.......and in those moments I must focus on the task at hand......which is to somehow seek to make it smooth.......and somehow less weird and awkward......and challenging......and focus on rooting on my boy.....and that is what I did.....I didn't have the jangly inside feelings anymore.....I am past that.....I just stand in my own space.....my own truth.....head held high......and honoring my part of the story.......and what happens beyond that, is none of my business.......if things don't challenge us we can't change......that is true in every part of life.....my new workout demands are kicking my you know what.......and when I am standing in it.....feeling like I cannot complete another rep......I dig deeper and push one more, even if I am screaming inside.......and that is like the rest of my life.......I seek to push myself one more time......one more time to flip my mindset.......one more time to choose the high road.......one more time to address something I don't want to..........one more time to let something go that I want to go crazy about..........one more time........one more rep........one more.......my life has been catapulted into this deep place of change......one I didn't choose.....and if I fight to stay the same and fight the growth that keeps finding me, I lose........I have to stand in those uncomfortable spaces......and face the dragon and scream back at him......or hug him and accept him.....depending;-) and the truth is now........growth excites me.......I AM HERE for it......the woman I am now.....versus the one I was 3 years go is vastly different.....and I am guessing the woman 3 years from now will be even more so.....and that is OK.....it doesn't scare me......just intrigues me......I look forward to meeting her:) and I look forward to the challenges I will face to become her.....because now I know that whatever form she takes.....for the rest of my day......she is WORTH IT.......she truly is.....and more importantly......she knows that now.......finally........